"There is this thing it's like talking except you don't talk"
11/08/2008
music: Sing by The Dresden Dolls
I feel like I'm slowly starting to feel better, thank goodness. I mean, I go through "phases" I guess where I'm really depressed even if I don't have a real reason to be. I don't know why. But that's not what this was and I'm glad it's subsiding finally.
I've really felt like my life was just a mess and I haven't known what to do about it. I can't say for sure that I know now either, but I've made some choices finally and I feel better at least knowing that I've got some things taken care of.
First of all, I'm not going to school next semester. I don't know if this is a good idea or not. I know a lot of people who quit don't go back. And I do really like school, so I don't really want to stop. But this is my 3rd year of going and not knowing what I want to do. It's frustrating and even though I know it shouldn't be, it's kind of embarrassing. And because I get so stressed about it I'm not doing as well as I could, at all. Not to mention I don't exactly have the extra money to just go. So I've decided to wait a while.
I'm going to pay off my credit card bills and try to move out. Maybe not to Kalamazoo because it's pretty expensive. But I looked at some really nice ones in PawPaw for $600 a month. That's really not bad for a two bedroom apartment that's in pretty amazing condition. Plus I already work there. We'll see. I'm just not sure I'll be able to afford it. But I don't really want a roomate right now. I think it'll be good for me to be on my own for a change, without feeling the need to answer to someone or ask permission for everything. And I don't know what Sam's deal is right now, but I decided awhile ago I didn't want to live with her. But if I have to find someone I will, though I'm not sure who.
Hopefully I won't need to. I'm going to find a second job since I won't be in school. I make around $1200 a month right now. I pay a little more than $300 together for my car payment and insurance. My phone bill is around $60 or $70. And that's about it really, if I'm not going to school. I think if I had another part-time job I'd be okay.
Also, I went on some dates this week. This girl I work with, Jodi (who, by the way, I think might become my new best friend), set up a double date with her boyfriend, Harman, and their friend Kyle. It was pretty fun actually. We went to a movie and then back to Kyle's house and hung out for a while. Then Jodi and Harman left and Kyle and I talked for awhile. He's pretty nice.
And the night before last Mitchell asked me out. Mitchell's name is actually Ashley, and we used to be best friends. I found out later that she's a lesbian and always had quite a crush on me. Anyway, she took me to dinner and we've been hanging out. I don't actually know that I'm ready to jump on the vagina-wagon, but I did really miss being her friend. She wants to break up with her girlfriend and move in together, by the way.
So, life's kind of interesting I guess.
For Ashley
My septum's healing really quickly actually. The tip of my nose hurt for the rest of day but that's pretty much it. Oh, and sometimes when I move the ring a little funny and think it like, hits my sinuses funny or something and I need to sneeze SO badly and my eyes water. It's more annoying than anything. But I can tell that the more it heals the less it feels that way so I'm not too worried. And are you kidding, no way I would ever do it myself. No, no, no. But I do really like it, I wasn't sure I would. Apparently my mood swings are not limited to inducing shopping sprees and spur of the moment tattooing. Who knew?